How to Become a Life Coach Without Ever Coaching a Dog

👋 Congratulations!

You’ve decided to become a life coach — despite having no actual coaching skills, experience, or (let’s be honest) emotional stability.

But don’t worry. In 2025, all you need is Canva, a ring light, and the courage to say “transformation” with a straight face.

This is your step-by-step guide to becoming a life coach with zero experience, and still charging premium prices.

🧠 Step 1: Choose a Niche You Don’t Understand

Don’t waste time on things you’re good at. Pick a niche that sounds deep but means nothing. Bonus if it includes the word “quantum”.

✨ Examples:

• “Somatic abundance recalibration”
• “Spiritual empowerment for neurodivergent empaths”
• “Emotional detox coaching for high-vibe creatives”

❗ Pro Tip:

If you can’t explain it, they can’t Google it.

🔮 Step 2: Master the Buzzword Soup

Here’s your essential guru vocabulary starter pack. Use at least 3 per sentence.

🌀 Top 10 Buzzwords:

• Alignment
• Quantum
• Energy
• Embodiment
• Trauma-informed
• Vibrations
• Shadow work
• Flow
• Divine
• Integration

💬 Example sentence:

“I help women integrate quantum alignment through embodied flow.”

✨ Nobody knows what that means. That’s the point.

🎨 Step 3: Build a Brand That Looks Deep (But Isn’t)

Open Canva. Now build a beige empire.

🛠️ You’ll need:

• A lotus logo or a spiral (bonus: butterfly)
• Soft beige & blush color palette
• A cursive font that whispers “I light candles professionally”

📣 Add a tagline like:

“Helping you come home to your higher self.”

(even if you still live with your parents)

📱 Step 4: Post Emotional Carousels on Instagram

Forget practical tips. Post vague, moody quotes in pastel slides.

📸 Post ideas:

• “Your healing is valid, even if it’s messy.”
• “You’re not too much. They were too little.”
• “Hold space for your inner child.”

💬 Caption example:

“Had to learn this the hard way. Still learning. Still healing. Still soft.”

(bonus points if your face is half-lit with a plant in the background)

💼 Step 5: Don’t Offer Services — Offer Containers

Never say “I charge $200/hour.” That’s amateur stuff.

Instead, sell sacred energetic containers, like:

💸 Examples:

• “3-Month Expansion Portal – $3,333”
• “Soul Realignment Journey – $888/month”

🧘 Important:

Nobody knows what they’re buying, but they feel it. That’s what matters.

🗣️ Step 6: Collect Testimonials (Even If They’re Fake)

Before you get real clients (lol), gather social proof.

📋 Sources:

• A friend you gave a pep talk to
• AI-generated names like “Talia R., Berlin”
• Yourself — in third person

💬 Example Testimonial:

“Working with her changed my entire frequency.”

— Talia R., Berlin (possibly your cousin)

🌫️ Step 7: Never Show Results — Just Talk About Energy

Coaching isn’t about solving problems. It’s about talking about your own journey forever.

🎯 If someone asks for proof:

Say: “It’s not about results — it’s about resonance.”

Still doubting?

Post a Reel of you crying in your car with “This Is Me Trying” in the background.

🎁 Bonus Tip: Create a $9K Group Program Called “Remembering”

What should it include?

📦 Your 5-Star “Expansion Container” might offer:

• 4 Zoom calls where you talk about your dog and call it “shadow work”
• One guided meditation copied from YouTube
• A Slack group no one opens

🔥 Add scarcity like:

“Only 12 spots. 11 now. 10 if you overthink it.”

🧾 Conclusion: You Deserve to Charge for Vibes

Let’s be real:

You’ve survived stuff. You say “space” instead of “room”.

You are the brand.

So go ahead — charge $444 to realign someone’s divine intention field.

💎 Be the light you invoice for.